To the Mothers of My Children

Dear Moms (You know who you are):

  First, let me say that I love you.  We got into this thing, my husband and I, because the thought of children in our community needing a home moved us to action.  But once we started to see the bigger picture, learn about all the people involved in "the system", I realized that I was doing this for you too.  I want you to have time to reflect on who you are and I really really hope you'll renew your efforts to care for your kids.  Really.  And I think of you often as I'm parenting these children of yours.  I think of how I want my kids to be treated when I'm not around, and that's how I try to treat your kids too.  I'm not perfect, please know that.  I will run out of patience, I will raise my voice, I will not be able to take one more question by the end of the day.  But I will hug them, I will read to them, I will take them to the zoo and McDonald's and church and school.  I will make sure they have enough to eat, that the place where they sleep will give them a night of rest.  And I will do everything in my power to make sure they see you.  So please, please do what you can to meet us on those days.

  Second, I will never speak badly of you in their presence.  I will be frustrated with you some days, yes, because the solution to other people's problems is always clear and evident to me, the way I'm sure the answer to my own would seem to you.  But you won't always make the right choice, and your choices affect your children.  I'm the one dealing with the fallout from that.  So I will grit my teeth and take deep breaths and try to explain things as neutrally as possible so that your children can understand what's happening, but I will wait for them to go to bed before I rant to my husband about you.  People are saying all kinds of things about you, I know, because as people, we like our labels.  They help us pretend that things are black and white, that some people are good and some are bad.  But the more time I spend as a foster mom, the more I realize that we are all capable of tremendous bad, and, I hope, tremendous good.  You are more than the labels you have been given.  Bad parent, felon, dropout, thief, liar...yes, these words are true.  But that is not all you are.  You are a life-giver.  You brought someone beautiful into this world, and I thank you for that.  You are capable of creating a life for yourself and your children.  You are a woman, and that means you can withstand the worst things this world will throw at you and keep going.  So keep going.  We all have setbacks, we all fall short.  But get back up.  Try again.  You can do this.  I know you can.

  We are cheering for you, these kids and I.  We truly want the best for you.  We can be generous with forgiveness and grace because we have generously been given forgiveness and grace.  I had no idea how much my heart would grow when we brought that first baby home.  I didn't realize that our family would not just welcome him, but you as well.  And then another kiddo, and you, her mom.  And now I can't celebrate being a mom without thinking of you. 

  We went to the plant sale this week to pick out flowers.  Mikey picked one for his Mama, and Girl got one for hers.  Then they picked one for me as well.  They see it, you know.  How we together are their parents.  That it doesn't mean I'm insignificant when they run to you, and the reverse is true.  You were their first moms, and there is no ruling, no paperwork that can change that.  No matter how far away they seem, you are with them always, in their hearts, in their laughs, in their eyes. 

Happy Mother's Day to you both. 

Love, Rachel