On Nicknames

I love a good nickname.  One that rolls off the tongue, that you can't help but remember.  I wanted a nickname for the longest time.  Something better than Rachel.  Something that would remind me of a great moment, a funny story for years to come.

Because children are cruel but not very creative, I (like many of you, I'm sure) was given a taunting name in elementary school.  My last name rhymed with rabies...sort of.  For a while, I was Rachel Rabies.  Or Rachel Has Rabies.  It did make me want to start biting people.  Fortunately, we moved, and the name didn't come with us.

What did come with me was my sister, who decided to make a play on my middle name; for years she called me "Elvis snores" and later shortened it to Elvis.  I wonder if she even remembers the origin of this name, which she occasionally still calls me to my face.  (When she actually talks to me, AHEM, Sister, you are IT in this one-sided game of phone tag!)

In high school, I tried to give myself my own nickname.  It came to me suddenly, something cool and unique.  I asked my friends to start calling me Ramacious.  I tried to make it work, but it didn't catch on.  You don't get to pick your own.

My college roommate jokingly gave me a "Black Girl Name", but since it was "Rach-a-Mange", I killed that one quickly.  It didn't sound so much like a nickname; more like a potentially life-threatening disease, and not much better than Rachel Rabies.

A lady I worked with in my early twenties always called me "Rach", and she insisted that this was a nickname.  I disagree.  It's just a shorter version of my name.  If a girl is named Jennifer, but we call her Jen, is it a nickname?  Or if a guy is named, oh I don't know, Andrew Tyler, and everyone calls him Tyler, does that count?  Not to me.

When I got married, I tried to take on my husband's nickname.  He played baseball in high school with several boys named Chris, so they each got nicknames to tell them apart.  His was Lippy.  So I thought, Great!  I'll be Mrs. Lippy.  It's cute, it rolls off the tongue, his-and-her nicknames!  But again, it didn't stick, because, again, you don't get to pick your own nickname.
 
The worst part of this whole thing is I am a terrific giver of nicknames.  I have successfully marked several people for life with unforgettable names, many of which are too cruel to post here.  (For those who have only known the adult me, I have to admit, yes, I was one of the cruel children we lament about.  I should probably try to find some of those people and apologize.  You never know who has your name on a list a la Billy Madison, am I right?)

What I'm saying, what I'm BEGGING, is for someone to give me a good nickname.  Please?  Make my lifelong wish come true!