My Life in Pictures

The first time we took James to the zoo, he was about 15 months old.  I had a vision for how this trip would go; we would ooh and aah at the animals, James would be inquisitive and endearing, and maybe we would hold hands while Chris carried James on his shoulders as we left.  I wanted a picture perfect outing.  What actually happened was this: we carted James around to the different viewing areas, excitedly pointing out the animals ("Look James, snow leopards!  James, look at the snow leopards!"), and he would giggle whenever he actually figured out what we were indicating.  We got to the aquarium area, and James planted himself in front of the Amazon tank.  How long were we supposed to let him look at one exhibit?  Shouldn't we keep moving?  What was so fascinating?  When we tried to make him move on, he had a fit, as can happen with your children.  The rest of the zoo trip sort of dissolved into this cry-fest, and we didn't continue on, but ended up heading for the exit, with Chris carrying James, who was now literally kicking and screaming.  We got strapped into the car, handed the little guy some fruit snacks, and did the post-mortem.  Chris was pleased that we did our zoo trip.  I felt like a failure that my image of family perfection didn't materialize.  My husband told me to stop expecting life to look like a Norman Rockwell painting.  I was hoping to exist in the storybook world where Katie Holmes and Suri seem to to live.  But Chris was right.  Life is not sunshine and happiness all the time, with the family lovingly sitting around the radio, or marveling at my delicious cooking.  Life, especially after kids enter the scene, is messy, emotional, and complicated.

Sometimes you don't get your perfect picture.  And then sometimes...

Sometimes a mother has to dress her baby for a funeral instead of to bring him home.  Sometimes there is a tiny casket holding all your dreams and your future. This week, especially, has been a good reminder of my husband's words, when reality is unlike any picture, to the point that it seems like aliens have crashlanded here and are redirecting the order of the world as we know it.