Balancing the difference

I was scrolling through facebook the other day, and saw a status that gave me pause.  One of my friends posted that anyone who wasn't voting for his preferred candidate for president should just unfriend him NOW.  The rest of the day, I kept coming back to this post and trying to figure out why it bugged me so much, and this is what I came up with:  I like difference.  I don't want to scroll through facebook everyday and see people posting thoughts and photos and ideas that are exactly like mine.  Granted, I have friends like me, and we are easy to spot since we are wickedly funny, extraordinarily intelligent, and humble as...maybe not the last one.  But I would be bored, and probably a little annoyed if I had to spend every day with people who mirrored my own views and behaviors (and weaknesses and faults...yes, Chris, I can admit to having one or two).  So I don't unfriend people who post opposing views on facebook.  I don't change the subject or walk away from conversations with people who are impassioned enough to share their beliefs with me.  This has caused unwanted follow-up visits and phone calls from a Jehovah's Witness, but we eventually moved and I managed to slip away from that one..

Another word came to mind...balance.  I think I have to have a good balance in order to appreciate the differences.  And this made me, of course, reflect on my marriage and the best husband ever.  Because we have much in common.  We love to pop popcorn and watch movies together.  We like to watch football and read books and make a fire in the fireplace and just relax.  We love the same God and enjoy attending church together.  We like music and seriously cut the rug at weddings.  We love these children that we made together, and we love kids that came from other parents.  We care about children who are overlooked, or underfed, or need a little more.  All of these similarities are great, and make our partnership great.  But we are two different people, with different opinions and different tastes, and that can either be good for balance or really distressing if you can't appreciate it.  Chris sees the big picture, and he helps remind me of it when I am too narrowly focused.  In turn, I help him remember the details (someone has to print the boarding passes and pack clean underwear!)  Although we both love history, my husband is more interested in Ancient times, while I prefer "Newer" history (anything after the Dark Ages, please!)  He can't speak French, but he can update the software on my phone.  There is nothing I love more than bringing up a news item or Fresh Air episode concerning immigration, because I know that Chris and I look at this issue from different perspectives, and we can discuss it for an hour, the whole time learning about each others' point of view.  Just the other day, we were talking about the Dream Act, and Chris surprised me by saying he is in favor of it.  BUT, for me, saying I am in favor of the Dream Act means I think it is okay right now for young illegals to be educated in our schools and continue living here.  For Chris, until it is passed and becomes law, anyone acting in accord with it is a lawbreaker, and he doesn't approve.  The way that man's mind works is amazing.  But I never would have learned that unless we talked about something we know we don't agree on.

I do wish some differences weren't there.  I wish the man could find his belt or deodorant or headphones by actually searching for them, instead of giving up after a cursory glance reveals them to not be in plain view.  I wish he would stop at the store or even tell me when he needs a new toothbrush so that he could have his own and not use mine.  I wish he cared a little more about gardening and landscaping and just general outdoor responsibilities so I didn't feel like I was doing it all alone.  But if I try to change who he is, then I miss out on all the great differences.  Like how he can so energetically wrestle and tickle our sons after he's been at work all day, and all I want to do is sit down or fold some clothes.  Or when his interest in trying new food results in a really tasty new recipe or learning about a new ingredient (do you cook with fresh herbs?  because it is a game-changer!)  And sometimes he is braver than I am in trying something with the kids, and although I am wary and in my head thinking, This is going to crash and burn!, I go along and get to experience it with them.

So, casual facebook acquaintance, I'm turning the tables on your ultimatum.  Because I've learned to value different opinions and also to respect the political convictions of my friends.  So you can unfriend me, if you think our views diverge too far, but I will continue to enjoy your posts and rants and sometimes it will make me stop and think about what I actually believe, and I will appreciate your perspective even more.

And to my ever-loving, patient husband, I will try to be more considerate of your needs at bedtime.  I will keep the computer off, and if I really have to, watch the Office with headphones.  Because I love that you and I are different, and I'm not willing to give up your warm presence beside me all night.  That is all.