My crisis of faith

Dear Prince William:

  Its taken a long time to get to this realization...its taken centuries and soul-searching and letting go of my pride.  But I feel like the time has come to say, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry about that tea that got thrown into the Boston Harbor.  Sorry about all those guys in red coats that were killed on battlefields and on roads and even that one Christmas Eve...it was my bad.  As a Daughter of the American Revolution, I feel like I can take the responsibility for my ancestors on this one and maybe we can work something out.  Because after months of campaigning and two debates and several conversations with my fellow countrymen, I feel like we should just give this whole independence thing up.  It was great while it lasted, we had some really wonderful years where we even thought things were going better here than in your island nation.  Certainly rights for women were enacted here first: first to give women the right to vote, first to pass an Equal Pay Act.  We abolished slavery all by ourselves (with just a little bloodshed...).  But then we decided that we should police the world, and got our military involved in all sorts of sordid international incidents.  We supported puppet governments and despots and turned a blind eye in the name of cooperation.  We saw our proudest traditions of self-reliance and hardwork and religious freedom become either obsolete or corrupted.  The nation that we founded by rounding up the native people of this land and forcing them onto "reservations" is now divided over the issue of illegal immigrants and how to handle them.  We let people smoke cigarettes that we know will kill them and incapacitate them, so long as they pay a hefty tax.  We claim that corporations are people, then spend billions of dollars helping them survive while millions of our citizens are out of work and struggling to put food on their tables.  And I can't decide which of our two candidates is going to mess things up less.

  So my offer, the reason for my letter, is to ask you to reconsider.  Think of that whole "Declaration of Independence" as a juvenile stunt that this nation, now much older and wiser, can look back on and say, "Things were pretty good under the Crown."  I've read much about you and your lovely wife, Katherine (I even woke up at 4am to watch your nuptials!  You don't know me, but that's a pretty big deal).  I love your mutual love of service, how you are actively serving in the military and rescuing Russian sailors from drowning, and your many charities and philanthropic work.  I also realize that you've got a long wait for your irascible grandma to pass and then for your father to have his turn at the helm.  So maybe, in these intervening decades, you might like to spend some time on this side of the pond, and lead this wonderful country in a new, more civic-minded direction.  Maybe you could set an example for all of us on how to serve each other and stop the bickering so that we can really figure out solutions that will be beneficial to the people, not the lobbyists and corporations.  Maybe you could show American men how to be faithful husbands and fathers so that women are not left raising children on their own, struggling to find a house, pay the bills, buy groceries, while the men populate our penitentiaries.  I know Kate could really dominate our media with tips for the women about how to keep your man happy, and we'd all love to imitate her fashion-sense.  I personally would love to start wearing those little hats and feathers and whatnot.

  Because, otherwise, I'm at a point of crisis.  I was instilled at a very early age a love and respect for democracy, for the power of our vote and the voice of the people.  I remember accompanying my parents to the poll, to protest, to help the less fortunate.  My favorite class in school was always social studies, the government and history of our nation and our world.  I even majored in it in college.  I was so excited on my 18th birthday to fill out my voter registration card, even though it would be 7 months before I could exercise it.  Now I find myself, a little more than a decade later, feeling like not voting.  Sure I want to re-elect the family court judge who has so wonderfully proven herself in our community.  I'll happily vote to pass the Park levy, as I enjoy their new trail many times a week.  But when it comes to the national level, the man who will be our Commander-in-Chief, and the representatives that will pass laws in Congress, I'm not interested in being a part of it.  We'll all talk about it until November 7th, when we'll just go back to doing the everyday and not noticing too much change regardless of the results.  People will still be out of work.  Schools will still imperfectly try to educate our children.  Active military will still be on duty throughout the world, whether their presence is justifiable or not.  Women will still be second to men, college graduates will face the indignity of moving back in with their parents because they're unable to support themselves, despite their higher education.  And rich white men will still be rich (although not the one I married...).  And executives will still be jumping out of burning buildings with their golden parachutes.  And my faith in our government will continue to weaken.

  Help me Prince William.  You're my only hope.