On Scarcity

This morning I was getting the boys ready, just another Wednesday morning.  When I went to change Mikey out of his nighttime diaper, I realized we were out of wipes, and he was poopy.  So I went to the kitchen and wet a paper towel and on the way back to deal with the poo, I put on my "perspectacles".  Because this was just a minor inconvenience.  There were more wipes in the car, but I didn't feel like going that far to get them.  But beyond that, there are more wipes at the store just minutes from our house, and there is cash in my wallet and money accessible through my debit card to pay for it.  This kind of thing happens when life is busy and three active boys make trips to the store hectic and items are forgotten in their wake.  We run short of diapers.  Again, no big deal.  There is usually a stray in the car or under the dresser, or hey, my parents keep some extras at their house just blocks away.  Worst case scenario, my kid keeps a mushy diaper on for an additional 15 minutes.  For me, this is the tiniest problem, but for many mothers this is a daily stress.  They can't afford the diapers or wipes or they can't get to the store because they don't have reliable transportation.  A recent article from the LA Times reports that "The study’s four authors ... found that about a third of poor families were not able to provide their babies with adequate numbers of diapers, resulting in increased parental anxiety, stress and negative effects on their babies’ health, with an increase in diaper rashes and urinary tract infections."  You guys, this is happening down the street, in our cities, across the world.  I have never struggled to diaper my kids.  I have never had to sacrifice to keep their little bums clean.  At one point, we were hauling three different sizes of mega-box diapers to the car, but we didn't break a sweat.

My "perspectacles" took a trip down memory lane.  There was a morning a few years back when I was once again getting my boys ready.  (*all these things seem to happen while my husband is at work; why is that?) I opened the cupboards and realized there was only enough cereal and milk to feed the kids, nothing for me.  We desperately needed to go to the store, because THREE ACTIVE KIDS, and a few years ago they were even crazier to corral.  Literally the only thing left to eat that didn't require at least 45 minutes of prep was a single hot dog.  So that was my breakfast.  I topped that dog with some mustard and relish and washed it down with a Dr. Pepper.  And then we got our shoes on and went to the store, so lunch wouldn't be such a grim affair.  You see, this food shortage was due simply to a lack of time, an inability to get to the store earlier.  Once again, we had the money available, we had the car to get there, I merely had to navigate the suburban grocery store with my kids.  Slightly bigger inconvenience than the wipes, but only slightly.  Today, of course, our fridge is so full that I'm struggling to fit the kids' water bottles in there.  I'm literally moving things around to try to create space because WE HAVE SO MUCH FOOD.  Once again, this is not the case for families right in my area, in my city, in my world.  One of every seven people will go to bed hungry tonight, and more than 14% of Americans don't know when they'll eat next.  My family doesn't just have their daily bread, we have our weekly bread.

Even after I popped in my contacts, I couldn't shake my "perspectacles".  When it was time to go, I grabbed one of the six Bibles laying around my house to take to a church nearby that offers a women's Bible study during the day.  I drove my car safely to the location, walked inside with no trouble, and proceeded to be taught and to speak with others about my religious beliefs.  Nobody stopped us.  Nobody attacked us.  No one had to stand guard by the door, there was no secrecy to what we were doing.  We were just as free to do something else this morning as we were to gather and read the Bible together.  But the thing is, churches get attacked all the time. (Google church bombing.  Oh my goodness, there are too many results.  Nigeria, Egypt, the US...)  People seeking religion, whether it is my Christian faith or something else, are imprisoned and silenced and maimed.

Today I felt gratitude for many things in my life that I usually take for granted.  Today I was reminded that there are places and situations drastically different from the ones I find myself in where people are struggling just to get the basics.  Today was in many ways just another day for me, but I wonder what is going on in homes and parks and shelters across my city as I sit on the couch and cuddle my kid who just won't go to sleep and type on my computer that I got for free and listen to the air-conditioner run and the gentle snores of the rest of my family.  Today needs to count for something.  I don't want to go to sleep and forget what I saw through my "perspectacles".  I want to DO something with these feelings, but I'm not sure what it will be.

To my boys

Today I am praying for you.  I am thinking about a time in the near future when you won't be chasing each other around the yard and climbing into my bed in the early morning to start the day with cuddles. A time when you will be men.  White American men.  Because of this-where you were born and the color of your skin- many doors will be open to you, and you alone.  And so today, I'm praying.  Praying that you will recognize the arbitrary nature of privilege, that you will see those open doors not as a right, but an opportunity.  I want you to walk in to those exclusive places, places that are barred to a woman like me, or your friend in the wheelchair.  I'm praying that when you do, when you take your seat at the table, you will start a revolution that changes this world from the inside out.  I want you to teach inclusion and love, create opportunities and throw the doors wide open.  I'm praying that your lives will intersect with people who are different from you, and you'll have the chance to embrace and celebrate the human spectrum.  Because they will judge you and assess you and rank you based on your outside (all the things about yourself that you can't control), I'm praying for your insides, the part you get to choose.  I'm praying that you will use your strength to protect.  I'm praying that courage will come to you when you need it most.  I'm praying that you will think for yourselves.  I'm praying that your hearts will break when you see injustice, and you'll turn heart break into action.  I'm praying that you'll measure success in the number of lives you change.

And I'm praying that right now, today, your dad and I are preparing and equipping you for what lies ahead.  I'm praying that I will remember the big picture and not be caught up in making sure you wash your hands and tie your shoes (those things are important and worth doing, but they aren't the most important thing I can teach you).  That matching socks and washing dishes won't distract me from the job that matters most- being your mom.  Your dad and I want so badly to get it right, this job of being your parents.  We want to avoid the mistakes our parents made with us (I know, your grandparents are AMAZING people, and you love them more than us sometimes, but once they were stressed out parents and occasionally they went about things the wrong way), because we know what our baggage looks like, and we don't want to see you boys struggling to carry this with you through life.  But we will make mistakes too, probably different ones, and I'm praying that you will be able to overcome whatever wrongs we inflict on you.  When I studied history in college, when I learned of the atrocities that human beings are capable of committing against each other, I couldn't believe how much is actually carried out by the ordinary masses.  That a handful of evil people can lead entire tribes or even countries to annihilate one another. And I have to believe that people capable of being swayed to violence and hatred can also be swayed to love and compassion...but someone has to do the leading.  Boys, you could be the ones.  You could change the world.  I love you.  I believe in you.