Five Minute Friday: Bloom

I heard it again today.  "I feel like I know you so much better because of what you write."  Yeah.  I've been getting that quite a bit lately.  I struggled for years, putting pen to paper and never finding the words.  I felt dry and closed up.  It's because my heart was dry and closed up.  No one got to the deepest levels, not my husband, not my best friend, certainly not my family.

It all changed when I sat down one day and let the petals unfurl, when I opened up my life to the sun and the internet and the eyes of all the people who read my words.  This is who I am, this is what I've been hiding.  I was afraid to live where you could see me.  I was afraid of what you would think.

Now I don't care what you think.  I'm getting used to this public life, this exposure of the insides of my heart, and I don't like keeping secrets anymore.  So I keep returning to the computer, typing these words late at night.  I curl up on the couch with a notebook and it pours out of me like water. 

There isn't enough time for all the words now.  I have to make notes to myself to help me remember at some point in the future when I do have time.  When little people leave for the day and it's just me and my words.  Now I'm not afraid of being in the light, I'm afraid of wilting and losing this hearty glow.  If life is a series of seasons, if there is a time to grow and a time to fade, I want to prolong my growth and avoid the fade.

But there's a chance that there's time for all of it, time to mother and time to write, time to retreat and time to be present.  It's possible that the only thing I'll miss if I put down the pen is the feel of my own importance.  I'm still getting used to the openness.  I'm still learning how to live in bloom.