"Spent the day in Nashville with my publishers and adorable PR team, planning for "For the Love" which you will have this summer. I think we got work done, but all I can remember is laughing and telling hilarious stories.
Beth's comment to her toddler daughter about what to do with her precious apple slices comes to mind. (Can't handle. These are so my people.)
Which brings me to this: what is your most hilarious, worst Mom Meltdown Fail? Like when I told my sassy-mouthed (then) 5th grader to get a shovel, go in the backyard, and dig his own grave?
Let's hear it. I swear you are not the only mom who lost her crap really bad once."
My first thought (of course) was "I don't have any stories like that." Then I began reading through, and the memories came rushing back....
Two years ago, we bought a minivan. Finally we could have more room for our growing family! We got the Chrysler Town & Country with Stow N Go and automatic doors. We were super fancy. Months later, I had planned out a fun family outing. We dropped Chris off at work so that we could pick him up after work and go to the zoo's special Member Night, with extended hours and probably a bit quieter than during the day. I don't remember details about how the rest of the day went, but probably it was stressful, with three boys (ages 6, 4, and almost 2) home all day, with the summer heat, with me just not managing my feelings very well. The time came to load up in the car, and again, I can't remember why, but I was rotating car seats around. (I hate dealing with the car seats. When we get past this age I will probably try to burn them for the catharsis.) I was sweating and the boys were whining and I reached the point of Mommy Meltdown. I began to yell and bark at the kids to JUST SIT DOWN IN YOUR SEATS. Someone was stressed about a seatbelt that wouldn't buckle, and I went around to the passenger side, grabbed the handle, and with an animal roar, I ripped the door back...and it just kept going.
YES. I pulled the door off our minivan. The children became very quiet as they stared with wide eyes at the Thing That Just Happened. I tried (feebly and unsuccessfully) to reattach the door, to slide it back into the track. And then I realized that I couldn't drive a car with NO DOOR. I called my husband to tell him he needed to somehow find a ride home. Then I had the biggest meltdown ever, crying and talking to myself, and oh yes, sweating even more. All while my three children watched from their seats. I could not think. I did not know what to do. The world had tilted off its axis as I paced around my garage. So I made a decision. I called a friend. This is someone I'd known for about a year, a fellow mom who always seems so calm and collected and is constantly giving me good advice. She is a treasure. I knew that I was taking our friendship to new territory by inviting her into my chaos. I remember feeling keenly aware that this is not something I'd done...ever...with a friend. With my voice still hysterical, I explained the situation. And she was the exact right person to call. In her calm, firm voice, she said, "Rachel. Take the kids out of the car. You are not going to the zoo today. Just go back in the house and wait for Chris to get home." I nodded desperately. "Okay, okay, yeah that sounds good. Okay, yeah, I will. Okay, okay kids, let's get out of the car." My voice was still in that strange, hysterical place. And for probably the only time in their lives, my children very quietly exited the car and marched back inside and sat still and staring. I pulled a carton of ice cream out of the freezer and served it up for the boys.
My dad came by later to sort of jimmy the door back in place, then we locked it and drove it to the mechanic, who fixed it for only $50. A short time later, we were loading the family in the car and I was getting frustrated again and pulled on the door too hard and Chris begged me to please, please just use the buttons to open the sliding doors...something I still do to this day. The boys would bring it up every time we got in the car for several months, "Is the door broken? Mommy, did you pull the door off the car again? Can we drive our car Mommy?" Clearly this affected us all very deeply.
In fact, this crowning moment of Mommy Failure spurred me to check my anger. Last year for Lent, I chose to give up yelling at my kids. It was something that was happening far too often and I felt out of control. So for six weeks, I would catch the rage as it bubbled up, walk into the kitchen, take deep breaths, grab some candy, stop and pray for peace. I usually lost control about once each week, the shouting would come out of my mouth and I would stop mid-sentence and will myself to speak in a regular volume. And the really magic thing is that I don't go into full-blown Mommy Meltdown these days. I'm racking my brain trying to remember the last time I threw a couch out the front door or hurled a toy downstairs or spanked my kid so hard he bore a red handprint. My friend remarked this morning that our family seems a lot calmer these days. It's true. There are arguments, of course, the kids fight over toys and I raise my voice because I TOLD YOU TO PUT IT DOWN AND COME TO THE TABLE, but overall we are much less stressed than we have been in the past.
Because that is the power of a mother. I have the ability to influence my children, to set the tone in our house, to train them up in the way they will go. So how am I using that? What are they learning from me? (And not my words, because of course I am so good at saying all the right things and giving "important" lectures on why they are privileged white American males who have it so much better than the rest of the world and they should thank God for where they were born and the fact that they have clean water in which to bathe AT ALL, so never you mind if it is the correct temperature or the perfect depth or if you would like to soak a little longer...) Am I showing them how to properly love other people? Am I showing them that we all have feelings but that our feelings shouldn't rule our mouths and our behavior? Am I teaching them what is REALLY important--not a clean house or combed hair but Truth and Justice and Mercy and Compassion. There was a time when I really wondered if I was the right person to be raising my kids. I wondered if someone else (Liga, probably) wouldn't just do it so much better. But I am slowly becoming someone who is worthy of the title Mom. I am learning to help my children fill their minds with attitudes that will help them soar, not weigh them down. But I still use those buttons to open the car doors.
No comments:
Post a Comment