Four Stages of Procrastinating

I spent 2015 trying to work on developing better habits.  I exercised more, I made better choices with food, I steadily worked on decluttering and being more organized.  I've even managed to be more awake in the mornings while I get the kids ready for school.  (No tardies!)  But something people may not realize about me is that I am a committed life-long procrastinator.

Especially since I published my first novel this year, I've been hearing the same thing from lots of people.  It centers around how amazing it is that I managed to do this on top of everything else: being a full-time mom, having other kids in my care (whether it's for a few hours or a few months), volunteering at church, and I don't even know what else.  Every time, I cringe a little.  I think about all the time I spent avoiding writing, all the days when I lost confidence and wondered what I was doing and wanted to give up.  It took me three years to finish that first book, but I know that I could have finished it much sooner if I hadn't spent so much time procrastinating.

Now that I'm nearing the final pages of my second novel, (completed in less than two years with a little more focus!) the desire to slack off and push the deadline has been strong.  So I thought I would break down the four stages of procrastination that I find myself cycling through.

1. Whirlwind When that blinking cursor begins to overwhelm me, the first thing I'll do is throw myself into family time.  I will be the most energetic mom, I will build Legos and play endless games of Candy Land, I will take the kids to the park or McDonald's or the library.  Anything to stay in motion, to convince myself that I'm making better use of my time.

2. Mindless drone Eventually, the kids go to school or bed or find something to play that doesn't involve me.  And rather than return to that waiting document, I'll find some super boring task that's been sitting undone for months.  Remember my decluttering project that I mentioned?  All completed while avoiding writing.  This is a great time to sort through the pile of junk mail or rearrange the cupboards or sort through the lotions and medicines in the bathroom.

3. Internet rabbit holes So at this point, you're probably thinking, Hey that doesn't sound bad.  So you take a break from creative work and engage with your family or clean your house--you're still being productive!  And I totally agree.  I tell myself that when I go back to the computer, I'll be more focused and ready to write again because I've just satisfied my other commitments.  Like making sure the house is pristine before leaving on vacation.  Then you can really enjoy your time away, knowing that everything is done.  Except I come back to the computer and decide to check Facebook.  Or Suri's Burn Book.  Or catch up on the blogs I follow.  Or price trips we might take once my book becomes a best-seller.  My husband calls this "falling into an internet rabbit hole", and as someone who loves to accumulate information, I can be there for hours.  Rarely do I accomplish anything productive or worthwhile once I've gotten to this stage.  This is when I click on links to celebrity gossip sites or research the British monarchy, none of which pertains to the book I'm writing.

4. Catatonic The fourth and final stage of procrastination finds me in hibernation mode.  I've given up pretending that I'm doing anything worthwhile, and retreated to the couch or bed.  I might go to sleep, but even rest can be refreshing, so usually in this stage, I binge watch something online and play stupid apps that I deleted from my phone, but are still loaded on the family iPad (looking at you, Candy Crush Saga).  I probably look like someone who is bored, who has nothing to do.  But I haven't felt bored since I had my first kid almost 9 years ago.  I actually get to this point when I am most overwhelmed, when the pressure, the tasks, the endless cycles of life are pressing in.

So 2015 has been a year of learning better habits.  In looking at the habits I have, the ones I unintentionally created over the years by default, I've learned more about myself.  I've realized the bad things I run to when I feel stressed, and I've made an effort to rewire my brain so that I choose good things instead.  Procrastination has been both a curse and a crutch for as long as I can remember, in college and high school and probably even before that.  It's not always a bad thing, like when it spurs me to spend more time with my kids.  But if I didn't put off my work, I wonder if I would be more like the other accomplished people I know.

As December winds down and 2016 approaches, I don't know what word I want to focus on in the new year.  But I would like to set some boundaries for myself.  Sometimes I need to go catatonic.  But when I withdraw, I need to set a timer for 30 minutes.  I've found that if I give myself half an hour to disengage and retreat, I can return to my task feeling better about life.  But if I just go catatonic without an extraction plan, I'll be out for the rest of the day.

I've also learned how to break up writing into manageable goals.  Many full-time writers can put out thousands of words a day, and I've done this myself when an idea hits or I have the support to write all day.  But most of the time, I am on duty for all the other people in my life.  I've found that all I have to do is write 500 words a day, which I can accomplish during gymnastics lessons or nap time.  And those words add up!  In January, I'm starting a new novel.  If I can stick to my 500 words a day goal, I'll have it finished by the time school lets out in May.  Writing in summer has been virtually impossible so far, and I know I'll have to give myself a few months off.  So I'm challenging myself to do in about 5 months what has taken me years in the past.  Procrastination, be gone!!  There will be no room for you next year.

Are you a procrastinator?  What goals are you setting for 2016?  Leave a comment!

Peace on Earth, and Other Impossible Dreams

I woke this morning to an ominous sound.  Someone was rustling through the cupboards in the kitchen, but my husband was still in bed next to me.  This could only mean it was a child in search of candy and fruit snacks for breakfast, so I grabbed my glasses and hurried downstairs.  I walked into the kitchen and saw my six year old, already dressed for the day, standing on the counter with his face in the cupboard.

Not from this morning, but you get the idea

He turned to me and said, "Mama, I already got a bowl, but I can't get my cereal out."  We have funny storage in our octogenarian house, so I helped him jump down and did the little twist and wiggle required to get the Cheerios down.

I poured him a bowl and said, "Hey, you're already dressed!"  He nodded and told me he had brushed his teeth and gotten ready, and now all he needed was some breakfast.  I looked at the clock and saw that we had just entered the last hour before school starts, so I told him if he got socks and shoes on (somehow always a difficult task for my little boys) that he could watch an episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates and eat his cereal on the couch.  This is a huge treat in our house, as we are scrambling most mornings and rushing out the door.  Rarely do we have the time to sit and watch 20-30 minutes of TV in the mornings.

He obliged (quickly!!) and settled in to watch his show.  One kid down, and still plenty of time to get the others ready.  Next I went to wake the 8 year old.  He is my special boy and needs longer stretches of time than we usually give him to wrap his mind around getting ready for the day.  I climbed up to the top bunk just as he was rolling over, exposing one soft cheek, which I kissed as I whispered, "Good morning!"

His eyes popped open and he smiled at me, saying, "Oh! Good morning!"  His words still feel like a gift to me; the memory of those frustrating years of nonverbal communication still fresh in my mind. "Are you ready to get up?" I asked him, and he said no.  I gave his cheek another kiss and climbed down, knowing that this is all he needs at first, to wake up and have some time to process.  Unbeknownst to me, he snuck upstairs after I left his room and climbed into bed with Daddy, who has the day off and got to sleep in.

Then it was time to check on the third kid, the one who is usually up before anyone else.  I found him in bed, holding the treasures he had acquired on his early morning trek through the house: the iPad and a sleeve of crackers.  I have found worse things in his bed at 8 in the morning.  He smiled at me and I asked him to pause his game and change into school clothes, which he did without argument.

I was doing good, and realized I had time to make some coffee and breakfast for myself.  This is usually something I end up doing at 11am or later, once I finally can sit down or return home and my stomach is growling.  While I got that ready, the oldest emerged and helped pack his lunch and got dressed, then had a good twenty minutes to play in his room.  I could hear him singing a song (an Angry Birds song that he has loved since before he sang along) as I sat at the table and ate my oatmeal.  Then the youngest came in with a puzzle he wanted to do, so we pieced it together, finishing right when we needed to get on coats and shoes.

I got the oldest to brush his teeth and put on his coat just as his bus arrived, then got the other two boys finished up and heading down to the car.  I have three kids in three different schools this year, but they all have to be there at 9am.  It is not so fun somedays.  But this morning, I got all three of them off on time, with no tears, no yelling, and basically no arguing.  Once the last one was dropped off and I was driving around running errands, I had a moment to reflect on how calm I felt.  I had eaten breakfast, played with one kid and had a nice conversation with another.  Each of my kids had displayed a sign on independence, which meant less of a burden on me.

If peace in my house is possible on a busy Thursday morning, then maybe peace on earth is possible too.

The tears are still easily accessible to me this holiday season.  I had hoped that by talking about it with my friends and pulling back from all the nonsense that distracts me from the miracle of Christmas, that my heavy heart would lift and I would get into "the spirit".  Instead of enjoying my usual Mariah Carey pop-heavy Christmas songs, I've been drawn to the more somber and slow ones.  What Child is This? or Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and even Kenny Rogers Celebrate Me Home made me cry this morning in the car.

The only time I have felt my grief met (not relieved, not unburdened, but matched and held), is when I am reading my Bible.  I've almost given up on social media; what used to entertain me just makes me upset these days.  And all around me I find people who are unhappy and falling apart.  But when I open the Bible, when I read through these ancient words, I feel like I'm not alone in this heavy season.

Psalm 46 begins: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though the waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

It reminds me that it's not about calming the world around me, it's about calming the storm inside me by finding refuge in the One who will not disappoint.  And what if we all did that?  What if we turned away from the wars we start and the fights we join and remembered that the Lord Almighty is with us?  I think it would lead to the end of Psalm 46...

"He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shield with fire.  Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.  The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

My prayer this Advent season is Come Lord Jesus come.  Make wars cease to the ends of the earth.  Break the bow and shatter the spear.  Calm our hearts and bring peace to the earth, so that your Name will be exalted among the nations.  And I remember that it is possible when I can eat breakfast with my kids and enjoy a quiet morning free of tears and fights.  "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

And just for fun, here's Pentatonix....

Season's Greetings

Every couple of weeks I get to meet with a couple of my friends.  I think of these women as "my girls"; they are the ones who have my back, who are admitted into the deepest places of my heart, who lovingly tell me the truth.  Last night, we gathered in sweatpants and warm blankets and listened to music and spent some time envisioning our coming month.  It is the advent season, the time when we wait expectantly for the arrival of Jesus.  And I had to admit to my girls that I'm not excited about Christmas.  I'm not feeling hopeful and expectant right now.  There is so much ugly, from the petty stress of finding gifts for my loved ones to the brokenness all around.  As we listened to the songs of love and peace and victory, I wrote "The world is tearing itself apart".  That is the dark place where I found myself.

Then I opened my Bible, flipped to Isaiah and the prophecy of the Messiah.  I know in my mind that the Savior has come, but my heart couldn't seem to get on board.  Then I read these words: "Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress." (Isaiah 9:1)  I was immediately reminded that the Bible is God's Word, the way He speaks to His people across time and space and heavy hearts.  I didn't need a Christmas cheerleader to give me a rah, rah speech about carols and lights and togetherness.  I needed a reminder that "the people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned."

December and the holiday season is usually a time to look around, to share with those in need.  It's when we give Toys for Tots and pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child.  We make food and deliver it to families in need, we gather offerings to bless the less fortunate.  But it was suggested to me by my girls that perhaps this month needs to be a time to look up, to stay home, to fill up on the promise of peace that I found in Isaiah.  "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be upon his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of this greatness of his government and peace there will be no end.  He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.  The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this." (Isaiah 9:6-7)

It doesn't seem right to sit back at this time of year, to rest and reflect when I know many others will take this opportunity to get out and give back.  Unless, of course, one has spent the past 11 months giving and sharing and opening one's home and practicing what we preach at Christmastime.  Everyone needs rest at some point, a chance to fill up and reflect, so that we can overflow once more. So I've spent today thinking about the things that make me excited about Christmas.  What can overpower the gloom in my heart and give me hope?

1.  The Bible: I'm excited to start my Advent Bible study online.  I want to read the words that have remained true and powerful over the past few millennia.  I want to be reminded that Jesus is my Lord and worthy of my adoration.

2.  The decorations: It's hard to feel like Scrooge with sparkly decorations around the house, a tree in the living room displaying the ornaments that my kids have made at school, the stockings awaiting the candy and treats that will fill them on Christmas morning.

3.  The movies:  There are certain movies that I save for this time of year, and it keeps them special to setting my holiday mood.  I've never seen White Christmas, and I don't get why everyone seems to like A Christmas Story. (Sorry, lovers of "classics".) We have already enjoyed Elf and Love Actually, and I hope to see them more in the coming weeks.  But my favorite Christmas movie has been a tradition that was born out of necessity.  Eleven years ago, just a few months shy of my wedding day, I was living with my parents and Chris had moved into the apartment we would share as newlyweds.  Then an ice storm knocked out my parents' power on Christmas Eve, and we crowded into our little apartment living room for the weirdest sleepover ever.  We wanted to watch something Christmas-y, and Chris scanned through his movie collection, eventually holding up the one we would watch each year: Die Hard.  So these are the movies that remind me why I love this time of year.

4.  The food: Maybe it's a shallow thing, but there are certain tastes and foods that make Christmas special.  One is Peppermint Mocha coffee.  I'm sipping some as I type this, and the warmth I feel as a result is not just from the drink.  The boys and I have begun planning which cookies we'll make, and I'm reminded how much I love to bake and share treats with the people who love me well throughout the year.

5.  The music: I always seem to forget that good music can lift my mood like nothing else.  I will grow increasingly grumpy and tired throughout the day, and then Chris will come home and put on a Spotify playlist while we play with the kids or prepare dinner, and I feel my body lighten and a smile stretching across my face.  So part of my reflection this year will be listening to Pentatonix and Mariah Carey and the Nutcracker Suite.

I've already felt a lift in my heart this morning, as I've sought rest and taken focus off all the brokenness.  A quiet morning at home watching Fantasia and reading Isaiah and holding my friend's baby while sipping coffee and eating cheesy grits have filled me more than running errands and trying to solve the world's problems.  And so I encourage you to make your own list.  What reminds you of the good at Christmas?  What fills your heart with peace and reminds you of all your blessings?  What can shift your focus from the hurt to the Holy?  Who will give you permission to rest amidst the chaos?

I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  May 2015 end with each of us finding fulfillment.