This is Ohio. We are a people who love football. No matter which school you matriculated from, odds are you spend your Saturdays in the fall watching Ohio State play. Local high school teams sell season tickets to people whose children have long since graduated and moved away. At what point does our fandom become hero worship? And at what point does that undeserved reverence for teenage boys cross the line to criminal negligence?
"Drunk on their own small-town greatness, they operated unaware of common decency until they went too far, wrote too much, bragged too many times and, finally, on a cold Sunday morning, were hauled out of a small third-floor courtroom as a couple of common criminals." -Dan Wetzel
As a mother of boys, as a woman, rape offends me. Reading the sordid details of the Steubenville rape trial makes me want to puke, and then start slapping people. The boys who saw a drunk girl as an opportunity. The teenagers who made crass jokes and watched crimes being committed and did nothing. The adults who supplied alcohol and looked the other way as children pretended to know how to handle the adult freedoms they'd been given.
"Later, Richmond's biological father, Nathaniel, also addressed the court and the victim's family, placing some of the blame for his son's actions on his own life troubles and being an absentee father.
'Everyone knows I wasn't there for my son,' Nathaniel Richmond said. 'I feel responsible for his actions. I feel highly responsible for his actions.'" -Dan Wetzel
1. Sports and alcohol are mutually exclusive. I hope my sons take in their father cracking open his Mountain Dew while watching the Browns. I hope they see alcohol as a taboo until they are adults. I hope they learn restraint and moderation.
2. Men of integrity. Moreover, I hope they notice other things their father does. I hope they see him driving the speed limit and correcting a waitress for leaving an item off our bill and returning library books on time. These things may seem small, but they add up to a man who is full of integrity. My husband is a blatant rule-follower, and I expect our sons to realize what a wonderful quality that is. Then, when the big things, like teen drinking and what to do with a passed out 16 year old girl, come their way, they will know the right course of action. They won't stand by, look away, or worse yet, join in on criminal behavior.
3. Family ties. The only way I know to make sure my boys learn these lessons is to teach them. To teach them each day by the way I live, by the woman I am, but also to say it OUT LOUD. What must the parents of these boys be thinking tonight as their sons are preparing to spend at least the next year of their lives in juvie? Are they wondering how it all went wrong? Are they asking themselves why they never just said, "Don't slap your dick on a drunk girl?" I plan to talk about sex with my boys many times. About how it can be beautiful and sacred and uplifting when you join your life to another, and in that process your bodies become one. About how teenagers often want to experience the momentary thrill of contact, but they aren't ready to commit to everything that comes after. About how ultimately, the right woman for them will be one who is waiting for them, and they honor her and their maker and their parents when they wait until she comes along. We will spend time together throughout their high school years. We will have family game night and movie night and we will go on hikes and attend sporting events. Maybe some of those nights will prevent them from attending out-of-control parties. Maybe just hearing their parents talk about sex will make the whole idea repugnant to them until they are mature enough to make good choices. Maybe that intentional time together will teach them to value every person they meet. Maybe they will change the world by choosing differently than their peers. I have to try. I have to hope. Because today they're boys, but someday they'll be men. And I don't want my sons to hurt your daughters.
*Dan Wetzel quoted from his spot-on summary article:
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/highschool--steubenville-high-school-football-players-found-guilty-of-raping-16-year-old-girl-164129528.html
Thank you Rachel. Your last line about "...I don't want my boys to hurt your daughters," resonates with me. I want to join up with parents who want to raise their boys and girls, when grown up, to be Men and Women who don't compromise, do the right thing, and act with integrity. In my boys case, I will teach them to value and protect women and I'll teach my daughters to protect their sexuality for worthy, Godly men who are protecting their own sexuality as well. You're dead on.
ReplyDelete