Feelings

We had a parent-teacher conference in November, which was wonderful because we got to hear about all the thoughtful and understanding ways James' teacher reaches him.  How she uses visual cues to help him order his day and learn new concepts.  She recommended that we get an iPad to use at home, because there are so many apps that can help autistic individuals get through life easier, and encourage them to work on new skills.  It was a nice idea, but a pricey one, and also one without any evidence to back it up.  Okay, we could spend hundreds of dollars on a therapy tool, but what if he doesn't respond to it?  What if he just wants to play Angry Birds like he does on his Nana's iPad?  With money being always tight in a single income home, I didn't see how it would be possible.  Then Christmas came, and with it, a gift.  A great big check from Grandpa for whatever we wanted to purchase.  So, okay, we decided to get the iPad, knowing that we would all enjoy its many uses if James ignored it.  I should have known.  My husband obviously did, because he followed up the purchase with nights researching the best apps, and compiled a list.  We went through it together, after the boys were in bed, thinking about what James needed, and where he is going.  The most important was the Visual Scheduler.  An app that lets you compile lists of activities and tasks to be done, complete with pictures and sound.  Example: My Nighttime Schedule...First I can Go to the Bathroom, Brush My Teeth, Put on Pajamas, Read a Book, Listen to Music.  Each icon can be moved to the other side of the screen and the iPad says "All done".  This particular list works wonders when the response to "Time to brush your teeth!" is met with a very emphatic "No."

The visual schedule has another function called a Feelings board.  I went through and made one for each of the available emotions: Happy, Sad, Angry, Frustrated, Tired.  When James got strep throat and refused to take his antibiotic, I added Sick.  Example: When I am sick I can Rest and Take Medicine, then I can have a snack and Watch a DVD/Video.  Once again, complete with pictures and sound, we watched the Sick board each day, then explained that taking his medicine calmly meant he could have a treat...a brownie, some candy, fruit snacks.  It helped, although he still hates medicine.  When the antibiotic treatment was finished, and he was told "All done", he broke out into the "We did it" song from Dora.  But he sits with his iPad and memorizes these lists.  I hear him reciting them in the car, at bedtime.  Whenever his baby brother cries, James says, "Michael is sad.  Cry, have a hug," the options he has been given on his feeling board.  Not only is he recognizing this emotion, in both his brother and himself, but he remembers what he can do, and frequently says, "I can cry" through his own tears when something upsets him.  But the best use the feeling board has gotten happened when I was distractedly texting and he wanted me to get a toy that was out of reach.  I heard him ask, and gave the "In a minute" mumble.  We went through this a few times, as he doesn't usually let up once he has a request.  I kept focusing on the phone (not my finest parenting moment), until he opened the iPad, pulled up the app, selected "When I am Frustrated", and kept tapping the icon, so that "frustrated frustrated frustrated" finally got my attention.  I had to laugh.  I appreciate his tenacity, and also his creativity.  When one way of requesting his toy didn't work, he found another.  And yes, I put down the phone and got the toy.  I should have done it sooner, but then I would have missed his masterful display of the Feelings board.

Another Feeling is Anger.  When James is throwing an all-out, I am losing it, marathon tantrum, he likes an audience.  He likes to rage and cry and hit in whichever room has the most occupants.  This sets off Michael, who doesn't like seeing his big brother upset, and usually the duet of screaming gets to Winston, so that we have a meltdown times three.  Which is great because children crying never gets under my skin *sarcasm*.  To prevent our house from exploding every time James is upset, we have been trying to teach him to go to his room.  Alone, he can rage, he can throw stuffed animals, he can stomp his feet.  Its been hard to get him to stay in there, however, and if I'm home alone, I can't very well leave the younger two unattended while trying to help James come down.  So now the iPad helps him understand what he needs to do. 

Last week, when I had a temper tantrum of my own, I tried to explain it to him.  "Mommy is angry.  Mommy needs to be alone and stomp her feet.  Then I can have a hug and have special time with James."  He repeated my words, but didn't leave me alone.  He sat in the chair in my room and watched me.  He watched me punch the pillows on the bed.  He watched me cry out.  And every so often he said, "Mommy is angry."  Eventually I calmed down.  Eventually I apologized to the kids for losing it.  Eventually Chris came home and I went downstairs to do laundry alone.

I am no longer skeptical about the therapeutic purposes of an iPad.  I am so thankful to both Apple, for making such an effective and easy-to-use product, and to the individuals and companies that develop the apps that bridge the differences between the autistic and the neuro-typical.