This is My Son

We've all heard the phrase, "God is a mystery."  And its true.  There is so much that I don't understand, that I don't get, so much that just completely baffles me about this guy who is the Lord of the Universe.  But sometimes...sometimes the words jump out at me, and they are so true, and so in tune with the language of my heart, that the doubt is pushed aside and I fully worship this God that I love.  God sent us Jesus, His Son, and when Jesus' ministry began, when he was baptized by his cousin and started to live the life he had been sent to live, "A voice from heaven said, 'This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy!'"  Oh God.  I get you so much in that one sentence.  I know how you looked at him, I know how your heart swelled with tenderness and love because He. Was. Your. Son.  I know those feelings, because you blessed me with three sons, and each of them brings me great joy.

James

This is my dearly loved son, who brings me great joy.  When I look at him, I see bright eyes and a strong body.  I see the child who made me a mom.  I see an amazing big brother.  I see a boy whose brain is wildly, wonderfully different from mine.  And maybe having that difference makes you think that he is a challenge, that my life is harder or less enjoyable because I am his mother.  Maybe you hear the word "autism" and a myriad of behaviors or disabilities cloud your vision.  Maybe you think it makes him less...less of a person, less important, less intelligent.  But you would be wrong, on all counts.  Because I consider it my great privilege to watch and raise this child, to learn from him just as much as he is learning from me.  Because I chose a while back to CELEBRATE my son, to cheer his accomplishments, at whatever rate they happened.  To be his safe haven in a world that doesn't "get" him.  To cherish every hug, every kiss, every cuddle. (to pause blogging and read a book about starfighters with him)  To stop comparing him to other kids, and focus on what makes him uniquely HIM.

James and Winston

This is my dearly loved son, who brings me great joy.  Because my first child gave me a new sense of purpose, a title and a role that I never thought I would be good at.  So I said, Let's do it again.  And he was worth the uncomfortable pregnancy, the expansion that took place in my body so that it would never return to its previous glory.  He is bright, and open, and full of life.  He is a performer, who will repeat himself over and over and over if he gets applause or even a laugh the first time.  He loves to watch videos of himself, and finds them more entertaining than any DVD in our collection.  He is bossy, and a perfectionist, and can be very emotional.  I consider it to be my great privilege to watch and raise this child, who learns from his big brother every day, who wraps his arms around me and says, "Oh Mommy, I love you!  You are so beautiful!  Hug me tighter!"  Who takes off his clothes at any opportunity, and shows the world what God gave him.

Winston, Michael, and James in a fire truck

This is my dearly loved son, who brings me great joy.  From the first time I held him in my arms, I wanted him to be mine, and mine alone.  But he has shown me how much room a human heart has, space for two moms and two dads, for two brothers and three sisters, for cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents ad infinitum.  When I look at him, I see her.  I see his first mom, the one who gave him life, who left him with me, who has no idea just how amazing her child is.  And when I look into his blue eyes, the beautiful eyes they share, I pray for her.  I pray that she is safe, that no news is good news, that someday she will come back to him.  So she can see how much he loves trucks and action, but also what a tender nurturer he has become.  So she can see his short little legs pumping and swinging to keep up with his big brothers.  So she can experience his smile, his frequent kisses, his possessive occupation of laps.  I consider it to be my great privilege to watch and raise this child, to soak in all these moments and tendencies, to watch over him in her absence.

These are my dearly loved sons, who bring me GREAT JOY everyday.