Love Dare part 2

Yes, we are still at it.  We are daring to love every day and learning more than we expected.  Wow.  I can say, I was looking forward to 40 days of lovey-dovey moments with Chris.  I thought we would just sail through these dares and grow closer and smile at how much we love each other.  But what I'm finding is these tasks are doing a great job at shining a light on how poorly I sacrifice for my husband.  I really didn't think of myself as selfish or entitled, but those words came to me this past weekend.  When I stay in bed and expect him to get up with the kids.  When I glare at the full trash can he left for me while he is at work.  When I pass that toy/sticker/apple core/dirty sock on the floor over and over and I REFUSE to pick it up, because I do enough around here, that should be his job.  And so I chose to email my Village sisters and tell them this discovery I had.  It was hard to be that honest.  But then today's dare was about being intimate, about trusting my spouse with everything.  So I told him the same thing.  And it was so much harder than even that email, to look at his face agreeing with me as I said those words out loud.  Ugh.  And I don't want to change.  I don't want to be better somedays.  I DO do alot around here.  But I know that I need to get my butt out of bed.  I need to partner with this man more fully, take the burden more equally.

Because the other thing these Dares are showing me is what an incredible man I married.  I talked with Liga (in my head I always call her Lovely Liga, and I think one of these days its going to slip out when I'm actually talking to her), who met her husband when they were stupid, immature teenagers, just like me and Chris.  And we agreed that looking back at the beginning of our relationships at the boys we fell in love with, kind of makes us cringe at how low our standards were.  And how those boys became men who just make our jaws drop sometimes, that we got so lucky to have these men marry us and give us children to raise together.  Nothing Chris did while we were dating(or even that first year of marriage) comes anywhere close to the ways that he impresses me and loves me and challenges me today.  Seriously, 17 year old Rachel, you won the husband lottery when you lost your mind for that boy at work who smiled at you and told funny jokes and had kind of a cool car.  You didn't know then (how could you, you were such a moron, and worse, you thought you were pretty smart) that he would turn out to be self-less and kind, laid-back and thoughtful, gentle and strong, tender and bold.  You just wanted to kiss those full lips and hold hands at the movies and have a date for Prom who wouldn't bring a 2 liter of Pepsi mixed with rum in a backpack (a backpack and a tux, people. Pepsi and rum).  At least the funny thing is still there.  He still makes me laugh.  And taking away distractions and making time to talk more these past 18 days has made me remember just how much I loved to laugh with this man when he was a boy, and I appreciate that I still get to laugh with him now.  Only the jokes are much more personal and special and gut-busting, because what we have is a one flesh, one love partnership.