Harvey Weinstein got fired and went to sex rehab instead of prison after a bunch of actresses said he sexually harassed them, groped them, used his considerable Hollywood influence to pressure them to keep them silent. And as the stories filled my newsfeed, reminding us that this is nothing new, that this has been known in the movie industry about him specifically and powerful men in general for decades, I began to notice a small hashtag. It simply stated "Me too."
It was an effort on behalf of the regular, every day women who don't star in Oscar-nominated movies to join their voices to the conversation. To point out that it's not just 17 year old size 0 actresses who are objectified and made to feel small in their place of employment. It is a problem that pervades every area of industry in our society, really in our world. And I had no problem typing out the words and posting my own status this weekend. I am someone who has survived sexual abuse and sexual harassment, and most of the people who know me have already heard my story.
But you saw those words and you froze.
Your heart pounded and your mouth went dry. Maybe your mind took you back to that night, that moment when your innocence was lost, when the choice was made for you. Maybe it went blank. Because you haven't told anyone, you haven't spoken about what happened. Not once.
And we can debate all day long about how effective a social media campaign is, if anyone with the power to change things is actually listening. We can argue if it is your duty to pull your pants down once more and expose yourself to a world that is only interested in using you up and spitting you out. I know nothing I can say will convince you that you will be believed, and that you won't be marked as different, wrong, damaged.
Let's forget about everyone else for a moment, okay? Because this isn't about bringing your perpetrator to justice or becoming another statistic. This isn't about making noise about #NotAllMen or #YesAllWomen. Dear one, this is about you.
This is about the shame you're pushing deep down into your heart. This is about the flashbacks that come at the worst possible times. This is about the disconnect you have with your body. This is about the emotions you shut off so you wouldn't have to feel the hurt anymore.
You were made to live. You were made to experience the fullness of life. You were made to fall in love and give your body to another and feel pleasure. You were born with a whole heart.
And then someone took that from you.
Maybe it was several someones. Probably it was someone you trusted. Most likely you reached adulthood with the sense that this was just how life worked.
Please believe me when I tell you, it's not supposed to be this way.
You deserve respect.
You have the right to say what does or does not happen to your body.
You have the right to go to work and just worry about WORK: whether you're being paid in accordance with your responsibilities, whether you should contribute $20 to Cheryl's retirement card, whether that new position that opened is right for you.
You have the right to post pictures of your puppy instead of #MeToo.
Just promise me that you will speak about what happened to you. Tell it to a counselor. Tell it to a trusted friend. Tell it to that lady you only know through Facebook who shared her story. Because your silence gives the person who violated you all the power. Your silence robs you of your dignity. Your silence guarantees that you will continue to feel like a victim EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
It was not your fault.
You didn't ask for it.
It's not something all guys do.
You don't owe us anything. You owe it to yourself.
