Well-rested

I haven't posted a blog in months! The reason being a good one: I started blogging late at night when I couldn't sleep, and I've been getting fully rested lately. My husband is the biggest influence over my sleep, partly because he's truly embraced the daddy role even when its his wife resisting bedtime, and also because he sometimes takes kid duty when I'm too exhausted to rock a fussy baby for one more minute. Anyway, I think its been good for me to rest up since my days are packed full of activity with the beautiful spring weather creating many more opportunities for my boys to run around outside and more opportunities for me to chase after them and make sure they don't eat dirt, play in the street, or roll in poison ivy. Also, we've been dealing for several months with the stress of helping our older son, James, increase his communication. Most of the winter was marked by huge snowstorms and appointments to test James' hearing, receptive communication, and social interactions. It was very difficult to be present for these tests, to see that there was something not completely normal about my child, to have professionals tell me that he had developmental delays, signs of autism, abnormal behaviors. This is my first-born, the carrier of all my hopes and dreams, my special, beautiful baby! And after all the tests and evaluations, I still feel confused about the "diagnosis", since there really was no one hard-and-fast answer to what was causing him to not talk. So I have nothing to focus my attention on; instead a litany of suggestions that can be contradictory and overall don't feel effective, as well as no good answer when friends and relatives ask what's wrong. The one point everyone seemed to agree upon was the treatment. So my sweet little boy has begun attending a public, "integrated" preschool where he can receive both speech and occupational therapy one-on-one, as well as interacting with a teacher and "typical peers". To clarify on integrated preschool, this is not referring to race, ethnicity or gender, but identification of disabilities, so that half the class is developing normally and the other half are experiencing delays. We've seen a definite increase in James' verbalizations, although most are still a bit garbled and can't be interpreted. He's added new words to his vocabulary as well as increasing his use of words he already mastered. But more recently I have been impressed with James' increased self-care skills, such as using utensils at meals, picking up after himself, and steps toward potty-training. Its been such a difficult year caring for a new baby in addition to the extra attention James has needed to identify and treat his delays, but I'm feeling hopeful that school and therapy are making a positive difference for my boy. I feel so blessed to be able to send him to school with a caring and knowledgeable teacher!

Pro-Life Superbowl Commercial

I am really excited for the Superbowl tomorrow(technically, later today). Football is a rallying point for my family, including my in-laws, and I love the hype and excitement the Superbowl generate. We'll be watching at home, since the last few have been interrupted by fussing babies, but my husband is planning a tasty meal of roasted chicken and twice-baked potatoes! Like most people, I'm almost more excited about the commercials than the game(lifelong Cowboys fan, so not really vested in either team playing). And the ad getting the most attention before it has even aired is Tim Tebow's commercial against abortion, since his mother was apparently counseled to abort him during her pregnancy. I am definitely pro-life, even more so since I have actually experienced pregnancy and motherhood, so I hope this commercial gets that message across in a meaningful way. The Tebows are raising a great point: that abortion snuffs potential by cutting short a life that could be destined for greatness, in this case, a Heisman-winning quarterback. But do we sometimes forget the potential for the men and women who are losing the opportunity to become parents? It has been my experience that our human relationships pull us further out of ourselves to experience life more fully than we can on our own. With marriage and parenthood, I have known joy and sorrow, humor and anxiety, love and anger, unlike anything I knew before. By linking our lives to others, we have a chance to grow and experience redemption and truly become better people. I read an amazing article on the Tebows' Superbowl ad by Sally Jenkins which got me thinking about how we can make a difference on this very controversial issue. Jenkins, a pro-choice feminist, states that everyone "wishes the 'need' for abortions wasn't so great." This made me do a double-take. I had assumed that if a person was pro-choice, that they would be pro-abortion no matter what. Well, if we are all agreeing that abortion is not a great thing, that unplanned pregnancies put people in a difficult position of having to choose between three painful options (raising a child unprepared, giving a child up for adoption, or killing that child), then why are we still arguing about this? Let's stop fighting over whether abortion should be legal (let's face it pro-lifers, just because something is illegal doesn't mean it won't happen) and instead, do what we can to reduce/eliminate the need for it! Let's encourage responsibility, education, and support for young men and women before they have a knife over their heads. Let's stop encouraging promiscuity, sending mixed messages about sexuality, and criticizing abstinence! Who's with me?

Hope for Haiti

Since I became a mom almost three years ago, so much in my life has changed. For starters, I spend my Friday nights at home with my family, such as tonight. We also have cable now, so usually that gives me some variety to what I can watch, unless all my favorite channels are showing the same thing... a Hope for Haiti telethon! Then my choices are numbered! But watching this and other footage about the recent earthquake has also made me aware of another change that began during my first pregnancy. I love to read, and besides What to Expect When You're Expecting, I also picked up Flags of Our Fathers while I was pregnant with James. It was a great book, especially for a history buff such as myself, but while I was interested in learning more about the preparation for and resulting battle on Iwo Jima, I was also struck by the background provided by the author. Even now, the part that sticks out in my mind regards the "Rape of Nanking", which was a terrible time in Asian history, when the Japanese invaded China and perpetrated horrors against its people. I don't want to go into the gory details, but let's just say "rape" is putting it mildly! I realized then, with my baby boy floating around my uterus, the other members of my family safe and alive, that we live in a volatile world. What used to make me shrug as I heard it ("War? Eh, I'm not involved." or "I'm not affected by poverty, who cares?"), over the past few years I have come to hate! Because these things are always going on, and its only the lucky accident of when and where I was born that allows me to live in peace, with a relative measure of safety for myself and my family. There are some truly horrifying reports from Haiti right now, just as there have been from various countries around the world, and even here in the US, during my lifetime. So I'm wondering... why me? Why do I live in peace and downright luxury compared to others who are just as human as I am, just as deserving of the right to have a family and a home? I don't know, but I thank God tonight for it.

Teen Mom

I wanted to stay up last night to watch the after-show for "Teen Mom" on MTV.com, but 3 nights of insomnia caught up with me and demanded that I go to bed at the uncharacteristically early 11 pm. "Teen Mom" is without a doubt one of my favorite shows; its the follow up to MTV's new series "16 & Pregnant", chronicling the lives of 4 of "16"s original 6 teenage mothers. As I watch "Teen Mom" or read Tori Spelling's autobiography Mommywood, I am struck by how universal motherhood can be, while also dividing women along the lines of age, economic status, and education level. For instance, Amber and Maci on "Teen Mom" juggle the lives with giving their children proper care, and constantly wish that their partners would contribute more as parents. Even though my husband is an amazing dad who tries to find that same balance in his life, I find it hard to accept that he's probably doing all he can, because I wish he could do more. I think this comes from a desire for me to be able to do less, but would probably still do as much as I do now even if my husband managed to find some way to pitch in even more. However, what I take away from "Teen Mom", and I'm sure the producers hope that many young girls do as well, is how the "traditional" path to parenthood could also be described as the correct and smart way. By that, I mean graduating from high school, completing college or some form of advanced vocational training, so that you can then work, earn and hopefully save money, while meeting, dating, and marrying a man who shares your values and respects you, settling into a home of your own, and then starting a family. I struggle daily with all the difficulties of parenting two young children and maintaining a home and marriage; I can't even imagine having to do all that I do while studying for school, worrying about where I'm going to live, and making a relationship work with a man who can't commit to forming a stable family with me. Why the young women on "Teen Mom", and so many others who share their fate, make me feel sad is how quickly they want to grow up and be independent of their own homes and parents, while failing to realize just how difficult that can be. Motherhood has certainly dampened the judgemental view I used to take of the world, so I watch this show wishing the best for Amber, Maci, Farrah, and Catelynn, knowing how hard their decisions have made things, but also knowing that a child is the strongest encouragement to making a better life for yourself. Keep going ladies, you can do it!

Up All Night

Why am I here? More specifically, why am I sitting alone at a computer in the middle of the night, watching a chick flick on Netflix and crocheting a baby blanket for my 7 month old? I know that the responsible, healthy thing to do would be to head to bed, synchronizing my sleep schedule with the rest of my family. But what keeps me anchored in place is a need to be alone. Once I tuck my children in bed, a wide array of solitary activities open themselves up, and I feel energized by the prospect of having my hands free to do as I please and the night stretches in front of me. Hopefully my boys will konk out for a nap at the same time tomorrow, giving me a chance to make up for these stolen hours; regardless, morning will come too soon, with a day full of caring for other people, so for now, I'll do something frivolous that makes me happy.