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| Bubbles! |
Over the past year, my children (ages 4, 6, and 8) have all developed a strong friendship with someone outside our family. I wondered how long it would last when the boys described their brothers as their best friends. And especially for my oldest, on the autism spectrum and introverted in the extreme, I wondered if he would ever have a friend who didn't share his last name.
It's a hard thing that I never considered before the diagnosis. I have been blessed to have the same best friend for the past two decades, as well as a husband who often fills the role. I have friends at church and friends to chat with at pick up/drop off, friends who work at the library and Starbucks, friends to go see movies with and hang out on a lazy afternoon. (Not that I have those anymore.)
But this kid, this sweet, silly boy, has a hard time engaging other people. He experiences much of life on another plane, and tends to keep to himself. Even when other kids desire to interact with him, he just doesn't participate in conversations the same way, or answer questions in a linear fashion, and I can see the frustration on the faces of his classmates and kids at the playground. It's just easier to leave him to his own games and carry on with tag or basketball with the other kids.
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| Playing "Minecraft in Real Life" |
A while back, one of my friends started working on Tuesdays, and needed someone to drop off her kids at school. I volunteered, since we live close to the school, and her kids are always a delight to be around. When summer rolled around, she still had work on Tuesdays, and three kids in need of a place to play. It worked well that her kids' ages fall near my own kids' ages, and they got along great for 12 weeks. The most remarkable part was that her son, a few months older than my sweet James, loves to play video games, and wanted James to teach him how to play one of our games. So, week after week, James had a friend to play with. They could sit side by side (but more often, James bounces around the room while he plays), complete tasks together, and they actually talked to each other! Ian would ask questions, and James would answer in his own way.
I watched nervously, trying to serve as interpreter, or to catch James' attention when he seemed to be ignoring Ian. But mostly, the two boys worked it out together, and a bond was established. They play games together, and if James is intent on doing things his own way, Ian finds something to play with the other kids. And now James looks forward to Tuesdays, to having his friend come over. The kid who would rather be left alone, who seemed content to go through life solo, has a friend! And it touches my heart every week to see them together.
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| Lego Star Wars! |
It takes work, and special attention, and a whole lot of luck to match kids with special needs to someone who genuinely wants to spend time with them. So many people in our kids' lives are there in a professional capacity, that finding someone who wants to be a friend is a gift. And I'll do my best to appreciate whenever we find those gifts.
