Hope for Haiti

Since I became a mom almost three years ago, so much in my life has changed. For starters, I spend my Friday nights at home with my family, such as tonight. We also have cable now, so usually that gives me some variety to what I can watch, unless all my favorite channels are showing the same thing... a Hope for Haiti telethon! Then my choices are numbered! But watching this and other footage about the recent earthquake has also made me aware of another change that began during my first pregnancy. I love to read, and besides What to Expect When You're Expecting, I also picked up Flags of Our Fathers while I was pregnant with James. It was a great book, especially for a history buff such as myself, but while I was interested in learning more about the preparation for and resulting battle on Iwo Jima, I was also struck by the background provided by the author. Even now, the part that sticks out in my mind regards the "Rape of Nanking", which was a terrible time in Asian history, when the Japanese invaded China and perpetrated horrors against its people. I don't want to go into the gory details, but let's just say "rape" is putting it mildly! I realized then, with my baby boy floating around my uterus, the other members of my family safe and alive, that we live in a volatile world. What used to make me shrug as I heard it ("War? Eh, I'm not involved." or "I'm not affected by poverty, who cares?"), over the past few years I have come to hate! Because these things are always going on, and its only the lucky accident of when and where I was born that allows me to live in peace, with a relative measure of safety for myself and my family. There are some truly horrifying reports from Haiti right now, just as there have been from various countries around the world, and even here in the US, during my lifetime. So I'm wondering... why me? Why do I live in peace and downright luxury compared to others who are just as human as I am, just as deserving of the right to have a family and a home? I don't know, but I thank God tonight for it.

Teen Mom

I wanted to stay up last night to watch the after-show for "Teen Mom" on MTV.com, but 3 nights of insomnia caught up with me and demanded that I go to bed at the uncharacteristically early 11 pm. "Teen Mom" is without a doubt one of my favorite shows; its the follow up to MTV's new series "16 & Pregnant", chronicling the lives of 4 of "16"s original 6 teenage mothers. As I watch "Teen Mom" or read Tori Spelling's autobiography Mommywood, I am struck by how universal motherhood can be, while also dividing women along the lines of age, economic status, and education level. For instance, Amber and Maci on "Teen Mom" juggle the lives with giving their children proper care, and constantly wish that their partners would contribute more as parents. Even though my husband is an amazing dad who tries to find that same balance in his life, I find it hard to accept that he's probably doing all he can, because I wish he could do more. I think this comes from a desire for me to be able to do less, but would probably still do as much as I do now even if my husband managed to find some way to pitch in even more. However, what I take away from "Teen Mom", and I'm sure the producers hope that many young girls do as well, is how the "traditional" path to parenthood could also be described as the correct and smart way. By that, I mean graduating from high school, completing college or some form of advanced vocational training, so that you can then work, earn and hopefully save money, while meeting, dating, and marrying a man who shares your values and respects you, settling into a home of your own, and then starting a family. I struggle daily with all the difficulties of parenting two young children and maintaining a home and marriage; I can't even imagine having to do all that I do while studying for school, worrying about where I'm going to live, and making a relationship work with a man who can't commit to forming a stable family with me. Why the young women on "Teen Mom", and so many others who share their fate, make me feel sad is how quickly they want to grow up and be independent of their own homes and parents, while failing to realize just how difficult that can be. Motherhood has certainly dampened the judgemental view I used to take of the world, so I watch this show wishing the best for Amber, Maci, Farrah, and Catelynn, knowing how hard their decisions have made things, but also knowing that a child is the strongest encouragement to making a better life for yourself. Keep going ladies, you can do it!

Up All Night

Why am I here? More specifically, why am I sitting alone at a computer in the middle of the night, watching a chick flick on Netflix and crocheting a baby blanket for my 7 month old? I know that the responsible, healthy thing to do would be to head to bed, synchronizing my sleep schedule with the rest of my family. But what keeps me anchored in place is a need to be alone. Once I tuck my children in bed, a wide array of solitary activities open themselves up, and I feel energized by the prospect of having my hands free to do as I please and the night stretches in front of me. Hopefully my boys will konk out for a nap at the same time tomorrow, giving me a chance to make up for these stolen hours; regardless, morning will come too soon, with a day full of caring for other people, so for now, I'll do something frivolous that makes me happy.